那張沒寫完的紙條，是她沒說出口的想念

阿婆走的那年，冬天特別冷。

我是在城里讀大學回去時，才發(fā)現(xiàn)她記性真的差了好多。

剛進門，她還拉著我的手笑，眼角的皺紋擠成一團，說：“囡囡回來啦，快坐，快坐。”可轉(zhuǎn)身去廚房，卻忘了我不愛吃香菜，忘了我總喜歡把蔥花挑得干干凈凈。

我笑著說沒事，心里卻像被什么扎了一下。原來那個曾經(jīng)什么都記得清清楚楚的老人，真的慢慢把日子記混了。

我沒敢告訴她，我這次回來，是想跟她商量畢業(yè)后留在大城市發(fā)展的事。我怕她難過，更怕她拉著我念叨“別走”，我想等她身體再好一點，再慢慢跟她說。

那天晚上，我睡得很沉。迷迷糊糊中，感覺有人輕手輕腳進了屋，是阿婆。她替我掖了掖被角，動作輕得像一片羽毛。我假裝睡著，眼淚卻無聲地浸濕了枕頭。

第二天一早，廚房傳來熟悉的鍋鏟聲。

我走過去，看見阿婆正站在灶臺前，額頭上滲著細密的汗珠。她面前的案板上，放著一碗剛煮好的面，上面臥著一個煎得金黃的荷包蛋，蔥花撒得整整齊齊，香菜一根都沒放。

“醒啦？快吃，快吃。”她笑著把碗往我面前推，“特意給你做的，知道你愛吃這個?！?/p>

我接過碗，熱氣騰騰的霧氣模糊了視線?？曜觿偱龅矫鏃l，我卻頓住了——面，已經(jīng)涼透了。

我抬頭看阿婆，她眼神有些恍惚，卻又很肯定地說：“熱的，剛出鍋，你快吃。”

我鼻子一酸，再也忍不住。我大口大口吃著那碗涼面，眼淚掉進碗里，和湯汁混在一起，咸得發(fā)苦。我不敢告訴她，這面是她凌晨醒來看見我回來，怕我餓，特意起來煮的；她只是記不清，煮好后放了太久太久。

那天下午，我收拾行李，準備回城里。阿婆一直跟在我身后，像個做錯事的孩子，反復說：“囡囡，別走，阿婆給你做好吃的?！?/p>

我蹲下來，抱著她，聲音哽咽：“阿婆，我走了，你要好好的。等我放假回來，再吃你煮的面。”

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她點點頭，從口袋里掏出一個用手帕包得嚴嚴實實的東西，打開，是幾顆用紅線串起來的糖。“拿著，甜的，吃了心里暖。”

我接過糖，指尖觸到她冰涼粗糙的手，心里像被刀割一樣疼。

回到城里后，我忙著學業(yè)，忙著適應新環(huán)境，給阿婆打電話的次數(shù)漸漸少了。每次她打來，都只是重復問著同樣的問題：“囡囡什么時候回來呀？”“阿婆給你煮面吃?！?/p>

我總說快了，等忙完這段時間。

可我再也沒機會吃她煮的面了。

接到電話那天，是一個雨天。我瘋了一樣趕回老家，推開門，空蕩蕩的屋子靜得讓人害怕。廚房的灶臺上，還放著一個沒洗的碗，里面是半碗剩下的面，已經(jīng)干硬得像石頭。

堂屋的桌子上，放著一張紙條，是阿婆歪歪扭扭的字跡：“囡囡愛吃的面，阿婆等你回來吃?！?/p>

我跪在地上，抱著那張紙條，哭得撕心裂肺。

我才知道，那天我走后，阿婆每天都會煮一碗我愛吃的面，放在桌子上，等我回來。她忘了很多事，卻沒忘了她的囡囡愛吃不加香菜的面；她記不清時間，卻每天都在盼著我回家。

那碗等涼的面，是她一輩子的牽掛；

那張沒寫完的紙條，是她沒說出口的想念。

后來，我每次吃面條，都會想起那個冬天，想起阿婆站在灶臺前的身影，想起那碗溫度剛好、卻等了我太久太久的涼面。

原來，有些愛，是等你回頭時，才發(fā)現(xiàn)已經(jīng)來不及回應的遺憾。

有些面，吃過一次，你就再也吃不到一樣的味道了。